I remember realizing during my first year of sobriety that I was powerless over alcohol and drugs. Everyday my goal was for the obsession to go away. I would pray myself to sleep at night because my hamster wheel would spin and spin with thoughts that I couldn’t control.
My second year was spent reviewing my inventory and working on those nasty little character defects that I didn’t realize made my head spin at night.
At the beginning of my third year, I was thinking I had this thing under control and began to slowly take my will back. I was still sober but I wound up being flat broke without a home. (So quickly we forget). This was my hardest year with some of my greatest lessons.
What I learned was to treat my life outside of the rooms the same way I did inside. I swallowed my pride and took a real job. I surrounded myself with positive influential people. I applied the principles of recovery to every aspect of my life.
I slowly but surely rebuilt my life from the ground up by doing estimable work and estimable actions.
Sobriety is a gift. It is a gift that we have to recognize and work on every single day. This disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful in so many ways.
I have to remember that once I put down the drug and drink the disease is still there. I am powerless over people, places and things as well and they can take me down just as quickly if I don’t continue to be of service, check in with my sponsor daily, go to meetings, and keep my side of the street clean.
During the darkest moments of my last year I can say that Faith carried me through all of it. I thank God everyday for every blessing and lesson that I am taught throughout my journey. I may not understand them when they are happening. But can see that my path is more beautiful with each challenge that I face.
My hope for everyone today is to take challenges on as opportunities. I find that when I am in the solution all things are good.
Thank you God. Thank you Caron. And thank you to all of those who helped me become the woman I am today.
Tara Conner is a Public Advocacy Consultant for Caron Treatment Centers and the former Miss USA 2006.